A New Life
by IamD1v3rg3nt
Summary: Set After Allegiant (Epilogue Never Happened!)! Tobias lived an empty, meaningless life after the events of Allegiant. He can't seem to find any point in life. Moving hard is difficult and he can't bring himself to do it. Especially when his way out is just a syringe away. Rated T for suicide/depression
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Divergent or the characters. This story is simply my idea.

I can't sleep at night. I haven't slept in what feels like months. My Tris is gone. She should still be here, but she's not. I should have known what she would end up doing. I should have known that she wouldn't let her brother die like that. But I didn't. And now I'll never see her smile again.

I've always loved her. I've loved her since I first saw her hit the net. I just never realized how much. But now it's too late. She's gone.

My new home is too quiet. It's quiet with her not here. I moved back to the city but only because Christina made me. She guilted me into it.

"Tris wouldn't want you to stay. She'd want you to move on." That's what she said. Maybe she's right. But I'll never know. Not now. Because I failed.

I say that my home is too quiet. But that's a lie. It's a lie because this isn't my home. My home is with Tris. This is just some hole-in-the-wall apartment that I call my home.

I wonder what she'd say about this place. Would she like it? Maybe if I'd succeeded, things would have been different. If I had been faster, I could have made it back and stopped her. We could be living here together. I'd be able to sleep then.

For now, I have bags under my eyes from sleep deprivation. Zeke comes by almost every day. He tries to get me to snap out of it. Christina tries desperately to make me move on and accept it. But I can't. Not without Tris.

I know she'd hate me feeling like this. She'd want me to at least _try _to live a normal life. But I can't. How can I when I don't even know what normal is?

Everyday is the same. I wake up, eat stale cereal, walk around the city (if I feel like it), then go home, read a pointless book, then go to bed. I've lost weight and I'm weaker now than before. I guess that's what lack of sleep and nutrition will do to a body.

My life is a joke. It's pointless. Tris would be furious at me for saying that, but it's true. I have no worth. There's no factions for me to fit in. Nobody to love without Tris. I don't even know where my parents are at this point. I quit caring where they were a long time ago.

All I care is where Tris is. All that I care about is that she isn't with me- and that it's my fault.

Our plan went wrong about two months ago. Maybe longer. I've lost track of time. I hate it that I have. I should know exactly when I lost my reason for living. But I can honestly say that I don't remember. The days have run together.

I don't even talk anymore. I wonder if I even have a voice anymore. Nothing feels real anymore.

It's funny. I told Tris before that fear shuts people down. That's exactly what happened. I'm afraid of living without her. Afraid that it's my fault. I'm afraid of going on. I'm afraid of accepting that this is my new life.

I can't. I won't. I refuse.

So I shut down. I shut everyone out. I refuse to feel. I won't accept that this is the way life is now.

I made a mistake. Maybe if I apologize enough. Maybe if I'm guilty enough. Maybe I can bring her back.

But I know that's wrong. So maybe I'm just punishing myself. I killed the girl, no, the woman, I love. So now I'm making myself suffer.

Sometimes I hear her voice. It's faded at times, and other times it's clear as day. She calls to me. She tells me to come find her. I want to find her more than anything.

I've decided that I'm going to. I'm going to find her. I'm not afraid anymore. I won't be leaving anything behind, really. I know that I'm probably just imagining her voice. It's probably some desperate attempt at holding on to her. But it's more than I can bare. Zeke would understand. I mean, he'd want to see Uriah. He'd do anything.

But maybe not this.

I sink onto my couch holding a syringe filled with death serum I smuggled cradled in my hand. It'll be quick, I tell myself. I'll close my eyes and there will be my Tris. Her beautiful eyes looking at me.

I don't even feel the needle go into my flesh. I barely register the room spinning as the fast-acting serum begins to take effect. I slump further into the courch, not resisting the urge to sleep.

_Tobias..._

Yes, Tris. I'm coming to find you.

_Tobias... Please, please wake up..._

Don't worry. I'll be there soon.

_Be strong, Tobias. Be brave. Be brave for me. _


	2. Chapter 2

I feel heavy. I feel incredibly, unbearably heavy. Like a ton of bricks is holding my body down to the bed. _Wait...bed?_ _Wasn't I on my couch?_

I want to open my eyes, but they have the same heavy feeling as the rest of me. I can hear the whirring sound of machines. _Shouldn't I be dead? Did someone find me? _

My heart sinks as I realize I wasn't thorough enough. Apparently even with my lack of divergence I can still survive the death serum. Zeke or Christina must have found me and taken me to a hospital. _I was so close._

Something warm touches my face gently. I recognize the feeling: a hand. I must be hallucinating. Why would Christina touch my face? I mean it's obviously not Zeke...

"Oh, Tobias..." That voice. _That voice. That hand._ I try desperately to open my eyes, but only manage to twitch my nose. "Tobias?" I hear that angelic voice that I love gasp.

I try to move my hand and am just able to move a finger a fraction of an inch. A cool hand clutches my hand tightly and my body relaxes.

"Shhh... It's okay. Rest, Tobias. I'm here. We made it. Everything's okay." My body begins to ease back into the weightlessness from before. _I didn't fail. I'm not a failure._

…...

I open my eyes easily, before shutting them. _Too bright._ When I open them again, I make out a hospital room. It resembles the Erudite headquarters and I wince at the memories there.

"Tobias!" Tris beams at me from the doorway, tears rolling down her face. She runs to my bed and collapses on my body, her body shaking with sobs.

"T-Tris..." I was wrong before when I assumed I had no voice. It sounded raw and raspy, probably from being unconscious for however long I was. I barely noticed my own tears on my cheeks as I carefully held her. "Wh-What happened?" She slowly sits up, wiping her eyes which are now red from crying. She looks so small, so innocent looking at me.

"You got caught up in something. Peter said there was a fight. You weren't able to get to your parents. Something went wrong and you were hurt. Peter hid you in a shed and ran back. He found us before we started our part of the plan. Peter told us where you were and he went in the death serum instead. He did it. Everything worked. Caleb and I came back to the city to find you. It didn't look good, Tobias. No one thought you'd wake up..." She's sobbing again, trying to be strong.

"Wait, Peter...?" She nods, wiping her fresh tears.

"He's okay. He barely made it. He wanted Caleb to go back with me to you. He said since he's Erudite, he'd know how to treat you. He saved you." I can't believe he, of all people, would do something so selfless. "You've been in a coma for over a week, Tobias. I kept trying to get you to come back, but you wouldn't." _So that's what that voice was._

"It's okay now, Tris. Everything's going to be okay." I stroke her face, gently.

"Hey, is he awake yet? Four!" We both turn to the door and I stare in disbelief at my best friend, Zeke, and his little brother, Uriah. Uriah. I thought I killed him.

"Four! You look like you've seen a ghost!" The younger of the two jumps on my bed, jarring me. "He-he oops..." He grins and laughs. He still has a bandage on his head, so I know I didn't dream that part.

"He woke up right after we found you." Zeke came over, reading my mind. "It's a miracle. I mean, he went from having absolutely no brain activity, to waking up. I guess it happens, it's just really rare. We no more than got Uri back, then we almost lost you." He looks at me with a sadness in his eyes.

"Sorry. If I'd known I was going to die, I probably wouldn't have gone." I shrug, immediately regretting it and wincing in pain. Zeke grins, seeing this.

"Uh-huh, sure. But don't you ever do that again, you hear me? You put all of us through hell. Especially this one." He motions to Tris who blushes looking away, muttering what I assume to be "Shut up".

I grin looking at them. One day, I'll tell them about my dream. I'll tell them that Uriah died and that Tris sacrificed herself for her brother. One day I'll tell them how empty my "life" was. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy this. Things are different now. And I think I can live with that.


End file.
